Go, Metabolism, Go!

Since I have started working out, I have learned a lot of new and fun things about my own body that I was completely unaware of for the longest time.

Not the least fascinating is how movement affects my metabolism. It is extremely reactionary, even to the point of varying day-to-day, depending on what workout I do, and/or how hard I push myself. Today I spent 15 minutes in my "vigorous activity" range. To hit this, I have to expend (at minimum) 6 times the amount of energy it takes for me to just sit still... For 15 whole minutes today! That is a big deal in my world.

And to compensate for the extreme amount of energy expenditure, my body is demanding to be fed! No amount of food is seeming to satiate my hunger. And no, it's not mental. I'm not seeking food out for the taste, or out of boredom or emotional swinging. My stomach is, quite audibly, growling. Just before writing this I ate 2 boiled eggs and 2 small pancakes left over from this weekend's big breakfast. That was 35 minutes ago. I just heard my stomach growl at me.

When most people think of weight loss, they simply think of calorie restriction. Which is, yes, part of the equation. But you can only restrict calories so far before it starts to become detrimental to your journey towards fitness and possibly weight loss. If you starve your body of the nutrients... of the fuel that it needs... it will hold onto that fat as hard as it can and just not let it go. Your body will ensure its fuel sources no matter what you throw at it.

For example, I burn about 100 calories an hour without doing anything but sitting or sleeping. That is my baseline for sedentary living right now. This means I will burn at least 2400 calories in a 24 hour period. If I want to lose 2 pounds a week, I need to consume approximately 1400 calories for a 1000 calorie deficit. If you are on a diet that demands 1200 calories intake or less.... it is probably not the healthiest thing for you. You are edging the realm of starvation at that point.

This being said, when I checked my calorie burn this morning at 8am (just after my morning run) I had already burned 1200 calories. That is  half of my baseline burn. This gives me a bit of an idea about how my day is going to be, and alerts me that I probably need to up my calories today. As of this post I have consumed 1410 calories. Once dinner and my late night snack are added in, my daily intake is 1968 calories.

And yet... I am sitting here now with a rumbly tummy demanding that I give it MORE MORE MORE! Listening to your body when it tells you what it needs is vital to getting healthy. I should be eating right now. However I don't have any food readily available where I am.

This is what my metabolism does when I work out hard. It screams for food nearly all day long. I listen to it as well as I can while staying within my diabetic restrictions. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

On Missing Old Treats

There are things I miss, greatly, being on this regimen that I am on. There are the obvious things like cake, and cookies.... brownies, ice cream... anything chocolate. I miss drippingly ripe fruit and smoothies and milkshakes. All of these things laid the bricks in the road to being morbidly obese and being diagnosed with diabetes. I choose not to eat them because I know where they lead. I've been down that sticky sweet and delicious road. And it made me miserable.

Another thing I gave up was alcohol. Drinking and Diabetes don't mix. If you have just a little bit your blood sugar spikes... have too much and your body goes into overdrive to process the toxins.... blood sugar drops. It's just not something that is good for me or where I'm trying to go right now.

That being said, my husband and I went to a concert last night. Before the doors opened we hung out at the bar so that we could get in early. I had a Shock Top and Guinness from the tap. And ooooh... I actually missed beer!

Now, a little history on my side? I have never been a beer drinker. I would have much rather had the tequila or sugary mixed drinks. But now that I've abstained for as long as I have.... beer is amazing. I had the two, and I was done. It was easy to stop. I didn't feel like drinking to excess or anything drastic. It was nice to sit with my husband, watch people on the downtown streets of Seattle walk by and talk. We weren't parents. We weren't employees. We weren't roommates or bill-payers. We were just us. Husband and wife. Two people in love.

I miss beer. And after last night, and testing my blood sugar... as long I don't make a habit of it, I will be fine. Happy to know I can hop on that old road for a moment, but happy again to get back to where I am on the road to healthy and fit.

Trickle Down: Exercise to Confidence

Things you should know about me before reading this post:

• I am approx. 250 pounds
• I have a weak right ankle
• I have "exercise-induced asthma"
• I have diabetes
• I work out 6 days a week
• My wrists are weak and hurt when I have to hold my own body weight on them
• I am fairly flexible
• I am 5'9" tall
• I have very little self-confidence
• There is only one person I am completely comfortable working out in front of

With those statements made, you should know that working out usually drains me of any little tiny bit of self-confidence I may have drummed up up until that point. Especially if there are mirrors involved. I am fat. When you try to move fat too quickly, there are.... sounds... that may happen. And even with the one person that I'm comfortable with, it's still humiliating. I look ridiculous when I do certain moves. I'm sure someone who is much more fit than I would look just fine doing them... but not me.

Moving past all these concerns, I still work out. I still get my chunky butt up on a treadmill 3 days a week and into a dojo/dance room/group exercise room the other 3 days. I make a complete fool of myself. I grunt. I flop. I turn bright red. And I sweat.... a lot.

There comes a point, as an obese individual who wants to no longer hold that horrible title, that you just have to give it up. You have to stop caring what people think about you, or what your reflection is, or what strange noises happen when you move around more than normal. If you really and truly want to be healthy and fit, there are just things that can't matter to you anymore.

This morning, my best friend/roommate/trainer and I did our second Warrior Dash training session. The first day we did it was a huge flop for me, at least in my world. So today I was determined to get through the entire thing.

Today, I gave it my all. I put everything I had into every move I made. And it hurt. Muscles worked that never have. But I felt great when I was done. There was no slacking. I left it all in the gym and it was amazing. I didn't judge myself. I didn't compare myself to anyone else. I didn't beat myself up for not getting more reps or doing it perfectly.

Giving up the worry, getting into the workout, and getting things done did wonders for my confidence. Today I have spoken up in situations where I normally would keep quiet. I raised my voice up when I felt I wasn't being heard. I asked questions where I would normally sit in frustration. And I smiled. And I laughed. I held my head high and felt like I belonged. I know what I am capable of now. And I know that I can do anything I want to... it may not be perfect, and it may not be "the best ever", but as long as I give it my best, then I'm doing alright.

Couch-to-5k: Week 2 Day 2 (Blood Sweat and Tears!)

I realize that I didn't make a post for Day 1 of this week, but there's a really good reason for that. Over the weekend I re-enrolled in school and I was about 5 days behind the ball. The weekend (save for the training on Sunday) was spent playing catch-up in my 2 classes.

But now I'm back on track, and I should be able to come back and start posting regularly again!

Today was day 2. I got through 4 of the 6 90-minute running intervals fairly well. The last two I bailed on about 10-15 seconds early because there was a pulling on the inside of my right calf. Thankfully, with stretching and time, the pain has gone away.

I still have to remember, though, I am a 250-pound woman trying to run. Moving this much weight around is not only difficult, but hard on my body as well. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I need to be very realistic about where I am, physically, right now. This will change over time. My muscles will start working harder and the fat will have no other choice but to go away. It's just a matter of patience on my part.

Yesterday was definitely tough. I struggled with my own limitations and was frustrated by them. I am working on being more aware of what my body can do, and trying to work with it instead of pushing against it.

This is a long-term goal. Fitness is something that doesn't just happen overnight. It's taken me nearly 3 years to lose the 60 pounds that I already have. Now, mind you, I probably only worked out for a total of 10-12 weeks during those 3 years. A lot of it had to do with diet change. Now I am working out on a really tough schedule. 6 days a week of hard-core training. It is going to HURT. Not only physically, but my pride as well. I will learn to deal with the injured ego just as well as I do the sore muscles.

I am working towards something I really want. The phrase isn't "Blood Sweat and Tears" for nothing!!

Warrior Training? Try Whiny Training!

Today I am angry with my body. Today I am frustrated and discouraged by what I am not able to do.

I want to be the superhero. I want to be the 250 pound chick that can do anything without complaint or worry. I want to be the woman that kicks ass and takes names. I want to be able to conquer the Warrior Dash with a smile on my face and feeling accomplished.

But I am not there yet. Today I did my first training session with my best friend/roommate/trainer and I snapped at her out of sheer exhaustion.

I don't like this. I don't like what my body's limitations are. I should be better than this. I should be able to do anything for 60 seconds, right? Wrong. I can't even do a simple squat without whining about it.

I am frustrated. In so many ways. This is where I usually give up. This is the place that nothing seems worth all of this struggle. But tomorrow I will get up, get dressed, get to work and head straight for the gym to do C25K week 2 day 2. I have made a promise.... to myself and to others.... that I will get this done. I'm not faltering now.

Today I am angry with my body. And the only way to remedy that is to change it.

Couch-to-5k: Week 1 Day 3

I'm a day late in posting this, but I did get my last day of the first week of training in yesterday. I was only able to make it through about 18 minutes of the 30 that the workout lasts for. I had forgotten to use my inhaler before and my feet kept cramping up on me.

That being said, I feel good about it. My quads are really super sore from this week, so today is going to be a rest day. I am learning to not baby my muscles when they're sore. No walking funny, no whimping out normal body movements. No limping, waddling, or sitting more than normal. These muscles have a lot of work to do between now and July 16th (Warrior Dash Day!) so giving into the soreness is most certainly not an option.

I did my stretches after I got home last night and it really makes all the difference in the world. After dinner my roommate and I squeaked in a 2.2 mile walk. It was a struggle, but well worth it. Every little bit of training helps.

Tomorrow I am going to get a walk in as well. Then Sunday starts my second week of C25K and Monday is the first day that we're training for the Warrior Dash. I am going to be in a world of hurt. But I'm working towards something specific, so that gives me something to focus in on.

Do Something that Scares You!

I have lived my life under the roof of "I can't". There were so many things that I have said "I can't" to that it's become second nature to me. Any time I am presented with something that is a challenge, my brain automatically shifts into "I can't" and dismisses the idea altogether.

But as I'm getting more fit and healthy the roof is peeling back and I'm finding more and more possibilities available to me. The latest challenge on my plate comes from my roommate, Tonja.

Warrior Dash 2011

She threw the gauntlet down last week. She wanted to do this and was upset that no one would do it with her. I took that as a challenge and made a deal with her that I would do this race with her if she does the one that I'm going to register for in September. Today we registered. July 16th is the big day! One year since we've moved to Washington... what a way to commemorate!

I am absolutely terrified. When I first thought about it, "I can't" was a flashing neon sign in my head. Lists upon Matrix-style list went through my head of all the obstacles I couldn't POSSIBLY traverse. I'm still a fat girl, remember? Fat girls don't do things like this! Right? Um... right?!

But then, the more and more I let it roll around in my mind, the more excited I got about it. Finishing this would be a gigantic confidence booster. I would have a metal to show for just finishing as well. I am not a woman who deals in ego very much. I am the last person to be proud of anything I do and will probably explain away any of my accomplishments. But this race is something that I can say, "Look what I did! Aren't I awesome for this?" That is what is driving me.

Next week starts training. 3 days a week doing Couch-to-5k and 3 days a week doing Warrior Training. I am going to be in so much freakin' pain! But I can't wait. This is something that scares the hell out of me. But I'm going to do it, because I want to see just what I can do!