Learning to Eat

For a very long time, food was my crutch. Food was what I turned to when I was hurting, or excited, or just plain bored. I would eat nearly anything in sight because there was just nothing better to do. Food was my best friend when I felt I could go to no one. Food always made me feel just a little less alone in my world.

If someone would have told me a year ago that I was going to have trouble getting the number of calories I need in a day, I would've thought them mad. But here I am. My body has moved into starvation mode because I am just not eating enough food in a day. I am not drinking enough water. I am not getting my vitamins like I should.

And it's not because I am trying to lose weight. This is not some pro-ana site, nor am I encouraging anyone to go and intentionally starve their bodies. I am not eating enough because food doesn't matter to me as much as it once did. I am not seeking from it love, or entertainment. I am not looking to it from comfort or compassion. I have wonderful people in my life now that are there for me when I need them.

Food has just become unimportant. If I don't workout on any given day, I don't tend to eat that much either. When I do workout though, I eat quite a bit. The volume of food, however, rarely matches up with the calorie content.

If I were to keep track of my food, it would probably be easier and beneficial for my health. However, doing so makes me incredibly neurotic about the food I get in during the day. So I am trying to listen to my body. I am trying to eat when I am hungry and only then. I am hoping this works itself out.