- I am approx. 250 pounds
- I have a weak right ankle
- I have "exercise-induced asthma"
- I have diabetes
- I work out 6 days a week
- My wrists are weak and hurt when I have to hold my own body weight on them
- I am fairly flexible
- I am 5'9" tall
- I have very little self-confidence
- There is only one person I am completely comfortable working out in front of
With those statements made, you should know that working out usually drains me of any little tiny bit of self-confidence I may have drummed up up until that point. Especially if there are mirrors involved. I am fat. When you try to move fat too quickly, there are.... sounds... that may happen. And even with the one person that I'm comfortable with, it's still humiliating. I look ridiculous when I do certain moves. I'm sure someone who is much more fit than I would look just fine doing them... but not me.
Moving past all these concerns, I still work out. I still get my chunky butt up on a treadmill 3 days a week and into a dojo/dance room/group exercise room the other 3 days. I make a complete fool of myself. I grunt. I flop. I turn bright red. And I sweat.... a lot.
There comes a point, as an obese individual who wants to no longer hold that horrible title, that you just have to give it up. You have to stop caring what people think about you, or what your reflection is, or what strange noises happen when you move around more than normal. If you really and truly want to be healthy and fit, there are just things that can't matter to you anymore.
This morning, my best friend/roommate/trainer and I did our second Warrior Dash training session. The first day we did it was a huge flop for me, at least in my world. So today I was determined to get through the entire thing.
Today, I gave it my all. I put everything I had into every move I made. And it hurt. Muscles worked that never have. But I felt great when I was done. There was no slacking. I left it all in the gym and it was amazing. I didn't judge myself. I didn't compare myself to anyone else. I didn't beat myself up for not getting more reps or doing it perfectly.
Giving up the worry, getting into the workout, and getting things done did wonders for my confidence. Today I have spoken up in situations where I normally would keep quiet. I raised my voice up when I felt I wasn't being heard. I asked questions where I would normally sit in frustration. And I smiled. And I laughed. I held my head high and felt like I belonged. I know what I am capable of now. And I know that I can do anything I want to... it may not be perfect, and it may not be "the best ever", but as long as I give it my best, then I'm doing alright.